The teachings of a former church instilled the belief that she was not enough (exclusive)

Jinger Duggar Vuolo is reflecting on the difficult parts of his education.

He counting on The 31-year-old student grew up in the controversial ultra-Christian organization, the Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP). In recent years, Jinger has been outspoken against the teachings of the IBLP and his minister, Bill Gotthard.

Reflecting on the impact being at IBLP had on her life, especially with the release of her new book. Pleasing people: freeing yourself from the burden of imaginary expectationsJinger now recognizes how she contributed to the false belief she had that she wasn’t enough.

“I’ll just say that a lot of this started when I was in Bill Gothard’s teachings, because there were a lot of things that were instilled in you through what he said about trying to please your husband and if you don’t, he’s going to hurt you.” leave you, because you don’t have a perfectly clean house or maybe you don’t make dinner on time or you’re not cheerfully available to him at all times,” she tells PEOPLE exclusively. “Everything was so focused on ‘Do this, do this, do this, do this’, otherwise you won’t be enough for him.”

“Even having differences, because arguments do not equal rejection and that is something I have learned over the years,” he says.

Jinger credits her husband Jeremy Vuolowith whom she shares two daughters and currently it is expecting a third childfor having “helped me learn that because it’s incredible,” he says.

“When we first got married, he was like, ‘Where do you want to go to dinner?’ And I said, ‘It’s okay, honey. Wherever you want to go is fine,’ because I could never tell him what I was really thinking out of fear, those teachings kept coming to my mind, ‘Just have it. all together for him,’” he explains. “He was [like]’No, this is ridiculous. I want to know who Jinger is.’”

He 19 children and counting The student continues: “I wanted to know who he really was. It pushed me to be vulnerable. I wanted to hear what he was thinking. Even if I said something I didn’t agree with, he would say, ‘Tell me what you think. Jinge. I don’t mind. He said, ‘I want to listen even if we have different opinions.'”

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Doing so was something he initially considered “a difficult thing for me,” he says. “It took me years to get to the point where I felt like I was really speaking my mind and I could open up. He was very good at it, and to this day, he continues to want me to grow, challenging me to be myself and pushing me to be the best I can be.”

Jinger hopes that her new book, please people, helps others realize their own problems with the matter to assist in their respective journeys to resolve the issue.

“I think every time you open up, every time you share, especially to please people, you know that once it’s there, it’s there and you can’t take it back,” he shares. “Some of the stories I share are very raw. [and] They are very real. People can accept them however they want. In my mind, I thought, ‘Okay, I want to be as open and vulnerable as possible, because that’s part of the need that we see.'”

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Pleasing people: freeing yourself from the burden of imaginary expectations comes out January 14 and is now available for pre-order, wherever books are sold.