The stupid alien trilogy finally ends

See you later, “Poison”.

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

After six years and three miserable moviesThe indescribably stupid comic book movie series about a disturbed San Francisco newspaper columnist who becomes host to a wisecracking alien symbiote finally ends with “Venom: The Last Dance.”

Channeling Donna Summer’s disco hit, when it’s bad, it’s so, so bad.

Box office-wise, the trilogy has proven to be the crown jewel of what Wikipedia tells me is called “Sony’s Spider-Man Universe,” a collection of Marvel outcasts that also includes grim trash like “Mrs. Web” and “Morbius.”

One of life’s great mysteries is that “Venom” has grossed more than a billion dollars worldwide. There are people, especially in China, who really like it.

What will those masochistic ticket buyers get for their $20 on “The Last Dance”?

A migraine, but I digress.

You can watch Venom prepare a strawberry margarita in a Mexican bar while “Tequila” plays on the radio.

They will see the alien drive to Las Vegas and perform a choreographed dance to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” Tom Hardy’s Eddie Brock then questions the crazy logic of his own film and says, “When did you practice this?”

They’ll hear the deep-voiced symbiote, who looks like a creepy Power Ranger, reveal his dream of moving to New York City.

“I always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty,” says Venom, a native of the planet Klyntar in the Andromeda galaxy. “And a Broadway show!”

They will learn about Venom’s love for horses. “Oh! Horsey horsey,” coos the brain-eating alien.

You’ll be surprised that in this 109-minute film, Juno Temple as Dr. Teddy Payne (in a performance bordering on CGI) blinks less than 10 times.

They won’t be able to contain their mocking laughter when Venom, Eddie and a family of UFO-hunting hippies sing David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” in an old van.

And oh, will you be surprised by the wildly inventive plot? At first, the bad guy, a despondent blonde named Knull (Andy Serkis, ka-ching!), says she needs a device called a “codex” to escape her space prison and control the universe.

Does a villain need a vague item? Unprecedented.

“It’s the key to my freedom,” he shouts in writer-director Kelly Marcel’s superhero script Mad Libs, then sends some other symbiotes to Earth to find him.

The codex, we learn, is inside Venom.

Don’t say it!

Brock, who is hiding in Mexico because the government mistakenly believes he has killed someone, has to escape both the deadly visitors and the American agents pursuing him, including Rex Strickland (a wasted Chiwetel Ejiofor).

The friends then take a road trip to Las Vegas, where Venom loses all his money on slot machines and a drunk man urinates on Eddie.

Eventually, they end up in a secret lab beneath Area 51 in Nevada that’s cleverly called… Area 55. It’s there that Temple’s Dr. Payne plies her trade and opens her eyes.

The climactic battle at the base between a group of Venom-y symbiotes and Knull’s four-legged henchmen, who look like the aliens from “A Quiet Place,” is mass-on-mass action. Static and boring. The heroes lose for 10 minutes and then, voila, they win.

Hardy excels at playing deranged lunatics who would make you cross the street if they were walking towards you. We don’t really like Eddie, we don’t find him interesting and we don’t give a damn about his future. We have never done it. But we notice that he shakes and speaks quickly.

The ending means stirring our emotions, and it does inspire one: relief that it’s over.

Venom seems to be out of stock, unless he pulls a Michael Myers. But in the post-credits sequence, the villain Knull, whose story is not resolved at all, dramatically says that his usually evil work is not done yet.

Excellent. To quote one of the film’s many unforgettable characters: “Why is this happening?”