The real reason why you have trouble reaching orgasm during sex.

We tell you why many women “do not reach ecstasy in their sexual relations”

Sexologist and couples therapist Ana Blázquez advocates the importance of sexual education and communication with one’s partner to overcome anorgasmia – the difficulty in reaching orgasm – although she assures that the goal of sex does not have to be reaching climax, but rather “enjoyment”.

According to the ‘XI Barometer of Control of Spaniards and Sex’, 67 percent of women have difficulty reaching orgasm (compared to 33% of men); and more than half (56%) say they have faked it at some point (compared to 16% of men).

These data show that there are many women who “do not reach ecstasy in their sexual relations“And this can become a problem,” they point out.

The real reason why you have trouble reaching orgasm during sex.

According to the sexologist, anorgasmia is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the recurrent difficulty or inability to reach orgasm “despite adequate stimulation and a present sexual desire.” “The causes can be varied, although, despite what is still believed, the difficulty is not so much in the physical causes, but in more psychosocial causes,” she added.

Specifically, this condition affects women more, and especially heterosexual women. “The gender orgasm gap has its roots in this dysfunction, mainly due to emotional reasons, a lack of knowledge of our body and our erotic map, as well as cultural mandates,” explains Blázquez.

“Heterosexual women have a harder time reaching orgasm than men, since the patterns that continue to exist when it comes to having sexual relations are mainly based on coitocentrism,” said the sexologist.

In addition, it adds another conditioning factor to this dysfunction: the lack of knowledge of the sexual response and myths established in society about sexuality such as ‘the ultimate goal of sex is orgasm’ or ‘if you don’t reach orgasm, you haven’t enjoyed it’.

“These are myths and thoughts that are neither real nor healthy. The purpose of sexuality (beyond reproduction) is enjoyment, pleasure. The orgasm or climax is the resolution of the sexual tension that has been generated thanks to the good development of the other phases: excitement and plateau. This sexual tension culminates in the climax or orgasm,” she said, adding that “the sensations experienced in this resolution do not always have to be as pleasurable as what is experienced during the rest of the sexual response.” Therefore, for the sexologist, the key is also to “enjoy the journey, not just the goal.”

Anorgasmia can have a profound impact on quality of life and personal relationships. “Many women feel frustration and even shame for not being able to experience orgasms, faking what they are feeling, even preventing themselves from having sex, and experiencing a noticeable decrease in their sexual desire. However, there are numerous resources that can help overcome these difficulties,” explains the expert.

TIPS TO OVERCOME ANORGASMIA

For this reason, for Blázquez, the first step to overcome anorgasmia is sexual education. “Knowing your own body and your erotic map is fundamental. Knowing what you like: what to touch, how, where and when, is key,” she said. In this regard, she recalled that, according to the ‘XII Control Barometer’, the most pleasurable sexual practice for women is clitoral stimulation (33%), above vaginal penetration (23%), “data that shows the need to pay more attention to the clitoris, with its more than 8,000 nerve endings destined for pleasure and give it the place it deserves within sexual relations to guarantee success in them.”

On the other hand, she remembers that communication is “key” in any sexual relationship. “I may know what I want and feel like, but the other person may not. Talking openly with your partner or the person you are sharing this moment with about your sexual needs, desires and concerns can help reduce the pressure and create a more relaxed and trusting environment,” she said.

Relaxation is also important in this regard, focusing on “the here and now.” According to the same barometer, 84 percent of women say that their emotional well-being has had a direct impact on their sexual well-being. “Stress and anxiety can be major obstacles to orgasm and sexual relations in general. In sexuality, it is key to focus on the here and now, using focusing techniques where we learn to clear our minds of non-erotic thoughts and focus on pleasure and what we are feeling at that moment,” she said.

She also said that the use of sex toys, such as vibrators, stimulators and other devices can help to identify what type of stimulation is most effective in achieving orgasm. According to the ‘XII Control Barometer’, 85 percent of women have already tried sexual products, among the main reasons: they complement and even improve sexual relations as a couple (48%) and increase the level of excitement/intensify pleasure (43%). Among the favorites: lubricants (62%), clitoral stimulators (35%) and massage gels (34%).

If anorgasmia persists, it is advisable to seek the help of a sexologist. A professional can help identify the underlying causes, whether physical, emotional or social, and offer a personalized treatment plan. “You can support yourself at your own pace and with professionalism. There is no need to be afraid to ask for help; sexual health is an important part of our overall well-being,” concluded Blázquez.

By Europa Press