In Mexico, a group of men works to break down stereotypes and be better fathers

Jesús Israel Nieves Romero, a 36-year-old psychologist by profession, began a series of experiential workshops with men from his community through a collective space called “La Otra Bandita” in Querétaro, 200 kilometers from Mexico City.

There, intense activism is carried out to promote good treatment of children and youth; and it works with men, through workshops and therapy groups, in favor of more active and responsible fatherhood, and to help deconstruct those who have generated some type of violence.

In addition, Israel produces content for social networks (it has a podcast called The right to tenderness is a men’s affair and a TikTok account) where he shows his life alongside his daughters, and addresses issues such as paternal health, parenting, masculinities, equitable fatherhood and mental health for fathers of family.

It wasn’t always like this. Israel explains that he, as other men have done for centuries, for a long time privileged his work or professional activities over family life, caring for others.

But his life and his conception of himself, including even his health, changed after the birth of his first daughter, Paula Zoé. He considers that her way of thinking was broken when he realized that the girl, now four years old, is going to build her ties and relationships with other men and people, based on the accompaniment that her father gives her. her.

This led him to generate intense work on his person to become a present, affectionate and playful father.

“I thought, why do I want to live longer? Well, to spend more time with my daughters, from there I commit myself to doing a different deconstruction and from many angles of my life, and I realized that I could share these elements,” he said. .

why so much work

“It is also a matter of questioning work, why do I work so much? Yes, it has to do with a salary issue, but also understand that sometimes men when they have non-work availability or recreation time, decide to be in other spaces and not with their children, or look for other chambas (jobs) “.

Today Israel introduces himself, first, as the father of Ximena Lucía and Paula Zoé, his daughters, 4 months and 4 years old respectively; then as Karla’s life companion, her partner.

For the end, it leaves the professional label and that of activist in favor of human rights and the Sustainable Development Goals, specifically number 3, on health and well-being, and number 5, on Gender Equality, which it promotes through workshops and talks in your community to improve preventive health in men, and eliminate gender stereotypes regarding activities such as parenting.

“I introduce myself from another place because I realized that men first put our priorities like work or academics, to give us a status of recognition. I wanted to put myself in the place of what unpaid work implies, of care, which is a very strong job that the compañeras have sustainedmy partner, and therefore involved me in caring for and developing my daughters,” she says.

Thanks to his daughters, the desire arose in him to accompany them and love them unconditionally at every moment of their lives, but also to recognize the daily machismo that crossed his life as a man. Now, as a man, he defends what he considers to be his right to experience and share the tenderness of nurturing.

Courtesy of Israel Nieves Romero

A community center called La Otra Bandita, in the city of Querétaro, in México, where a group of male activists give workshops to combat gender stereotypes and promote male health.

More than a supplier

“We men cannot continue to focus our time on ourselves and not on the other,” he says from the house he shares with his family.

Being a father, he explains, involves more assuming a provider role in the lives of sons and daughters: you have to accompany them in every step of their lives; prioritize your care over your own needs; and, above all, keep intact the capacity for wonder and transformation.

“I felt invited to be more involved in my daughter’s life and I realized that it is not that women have something magical or a biological characteristic that allows them to recognize the cries of babies. Of course not! That has to do with ties: the closer you are to your child, the more you know him and the more he knows you. I want to get to know my daughters and for my daughters to know me,” she says.

“Being a father implies a transformation, continuing to evolve, continuing to surprise me. One of the enormous riches that life has given me are my two daughters. My love has no borders. I know that I can love some girls just because I love them, there is no other explanation, ”she points out.

UN Women/Dzilam Mendez

A man helps a girl to ride a bicycle in Mexico City, on June 18, 2022, during the launch of the joint campaign by UN WOMEN and UNICEF For more #PresentePaternidad.

co-responsibility of men

UN Women Y UNICEF in Mexico launched last June the campaign For more #PresentPaternities together with the Institute for the Development of Anti-Hegemonic Masculinities, and the government of Mexico City. The objective is to make visible and sensitize paternal absences in Mexico and Latin America.

“We need new ways of being men and of being fathers, that guarantee that paternity is exercised from the co-responsibility of men and that it is understood that the task of raising children is not exclusive to women”, explains Belén Sanz Luque, UN Women representative.

Figures from the National Institute of Statistics and Geography reveal that, in Mexico, men, including fathers, spend 11.5 hours a week caring for boys and girls; while women spend 24.1 hours a week, that is, more than double. In addition, women contribute 2.7 times more economic value than men for domestic work and care in the home.

Globally, only 6% of men (including fathers) who do not participate in the labor market are engaged in domestic care work, compared to 42% of women.

According to both UN agencies in the country, the fact that men are involved in household chores allows reorganize work between women and men, and generate greater well-being in families.

In addition, the participation of fathers in upbringing and care has a positive impact on the well-being of their daughters and sons, in their homes, but also on their own health and fulfillment as people.

“It favors respectful upbringing, reduces the possibilities of situations of violence against women and girls, and promotes the formation of co-responsible, egalitarian and non-violent masculinities in boys from an early age,” said UN Women and UNICEF.

The For more #PaternidadesPresentes campaign kicked off on Father’s Day, which was commemorated in Mexico on June 19, specifically on the country’s most important political and geographical avenue: Paseo de la Reforma.

On this road, which crosses the country’s capital from west to north, there are some of the most representative monuments of the city, such as the Angel of Independence, Diana the Huntress, the Monument to the Petroleum Fountain, and the Senate of the Republic; The main political demonstrations and protests also take place in Mexico City.

Every Sunday, thousands of cyclists take to the avenue and, for a few hours, displace cars in what is known as the Paseo Ciclista Muévete en Bici. That was where the campaign was launched.

A WOMEN / Dzilam Méndez

UN Women and UNICEF Mexico representatives Belén Sanz Luque (L) and Fernando Carrera Castro (R) pose during the launch of the joint campaign For More #PresentePaternidad in Paseo de la Reforma, Mexico City, on June 18 of 2022.

Pending tasks

Luis Fernando Carrera, Unicef ​​representative in Mexico, explained that There are three pending tasks that, as a society and as a State, Mexico must carry out to advance towards gender equality and towards present fatherhood.

The first, she points out, is social: it is about overcoming gender roles and stereotypes that make it clear that it is only women’s job to care for and raise children, while men remain absent.

Secondly, better labor policies are necessary since those that currently exist prevent men from assuming their paternity responsibly; for example, paternity leave that is very short or not used. There are also barriers from companies and institutions that discourage men from being actively involved in raising their children.

“In order to move towards gender equality, it is essential that we men actively engage in positive fatherhood that involves being active in nurturing, caring for and respecting our sons and daughters,” she says.

The aim is to encourage men to assume a more active role in elementary care activities how to dress their sons and daughters, bathe them, feed them, play with them, take care of them during illnesses, as well as combat gender roles and stereotypes

Also generate, through care, bonds of affection and trust in the family, and exercising close, responsible parenthood without gender stereotypes. As Queretaro activists would say, restore the right to tenderness.

Report produced by Teresita Moreno for UN News